Taking A Stand
by PhoenixRising360
Summary: Tony's faith in his team is already on shaky ground, then new information comes to light that shocks him to the core. Artwork by Penumbria. Written for Live Journal Reverse Bang 2019.
1. Chapter 1

Being summoned to the elevator was usually a bad sign. Being summoned to the elevator after Kate and Tim had already been dismissed, and Tony had not been, was an even worse sign. Even as Tony walked behind Gibbs, his mind raced, trying to think of anything he might've done to earn Gibbs' wrath but he couldn't think of a single thing. He'd been working fairly diligently, been working late even, coming in on time or early and he'd even cut down a little on how much he teased his coworkers since that seemed to irritate Gibbs. Of course, everything irritated Gibbs. He wanted them 100% focused on finding the terrorist that had held Kate, Ducky and Gerald hostage in autopsy. Now that they knew his name was Ari Haswari, Tony was surprised Gibbs was taking time out of the search to reprimand him. This must be bad.

No time for further thought as they reached the elevator and as Gibbs hit the button for the sub-basement and the doors slid closed, Tony took a deep breath and braced himself for the worst.

"So, what'd I do?" Tony asked.

Gibbs frowned thoughtfully. "What do you mean?"

Whoa! Gibbs was calm. Tony blinked. This was the calmest he'd seen Gibbs ever since Haswari invaded autopsy.

"What'd I do that you called me in here at this time?" Tony sounded uncertain, but he genuinely had no idea what he'd done.

Understanding dawned in Gibbs' eyes and he smiled a little sadly and shook his head no. "Gotta tell you something."

Uh oh. This was it. He was getting fired. He should've known this was coming. Gibbs was tired of his crap, just like Kate and Tim were. Great. He didn't want to start over again, but he should be used to this by now. His shoulders sagged.

"What?" Tony braced himself for a physical blow even though he knew the hit would be verbal. He found himself unable to meet Gibbs' eyes because he didn't want to see the disappointment there.

Gibbs sighed from somewhere deep down. "I'm telling you this because I need you to keep an eye on things," he started.

Tony's head shot up. Okay, whatever this was, it wasn't what he thought. He raised an eyebrow in question.

"Had a talk with Kate this morning. When they were held hostage, she had an opportunity to stab Haswari and couldn't go through with it."

Tony blinked. "Yeah, she told me that. At the time, she couldn't explain why she couldn't do it."

Anger flashed in Gibbs' eyes and Tony realized that was the same anger he'd seen in Gibbs' eyes all day long. Gibbs was always temperamental, but this time he had a definite reason for it.

"She told me his eyes were kind." Gibbs' voice was sharp.

Tony didn't speak as he absorbed this newest piece of information. Finally, he formed words. "Are you…wait…is this…" Tony fell silent and finally just gave up. "What?!"

"Kind eyes."

Tony just stared in disbelief. It was a full minute before the disbelief gave way to darker emotions. "Oh my God," Tony said softly, shaking his head. "Was this before or after he shot Gerald?"

"According to Ducky, after."

Tony's eyes went wide. "She…how…what the…"

Gibbs held up his hand in a bid to get Tony not to speak, interrupting the next word out of his mouth. "I know, Tony. I know."

Tony knew in that moment that hell froze over. Not only was Gibbs not angry at him but he'd actually called him by his first name, which he rarely did unless Tony was hurt.

Tony stepped back and leaned against the elevator wall with a thud as he coped with this shock. "I…This…You...!"

Tony couldn't believe it…but yet he could. How could Kate have been so hesitant? She'd threatened to shoot him for less!

Tony shook his head. He stepped forward and turned the elevator back on and hit the button for the basement. Gibbs didn't say a word as they reached the floor and Tony got off, heading toward the gym.


	2. Chapter 2

Once at the gym, he changed into workout clothes and went directly to the big punching bag. An awful feeling of déjà vu washed over him. He'd done this same thing right after Suzanne McNeil, a.k.a. Jane Doe, had nearly killed all of them.

_He was so incredulous and angry he could have slapped her stupid._

_Though he figured the injuries she'd suffered from the bomb were probably punishment enough. Kate was pretty banged up and he wondered exactly how she'd survived the explosion. They had all been lucky…this time._

_He changed into workout clothes and put on some gloves and attacked the big punching bag. He needed something right now and this seemed to be the best thing. It was late and he was alone._

"_Stupid, stupid, stupid," he growled, hitting the bag hard. The bag took it and he hit it harder, throwing in a couple of good kicks while he was at it._

"_How did you not see she was playing you?" Tony attacked the bag with a vicious kick. He remembered seeing the look on Gibbs' face at times. He'd known something was off, too, though he chose to let Kate deal with that woman. That had just seemed to pour gasoline on the flame._

_Tony attacked the bag in silence for a little while and then groused, "I knew something was up but you wouldn't fucking listen! What kind of profiler are you anyway? Oh right, I'm just a stupid frat boy who doesn't know which end is up." He punched the bag, the ferocity behind it made his entire body heat up._

_He delivered a vicious right hook at the bag and the bag bounced at the sheer force behind it, and that seemed to expend the last of his reserves. He fell against the bag, letting it support him for a moment before he righted himself. When he came back to himself, he realized he wasn't alone and looked over to see Gibbs standing near the door. When Tony looked over, Gibbs headed for him._

"_You okay?"_

_Tony glared. "Do I look anything resembling okay to you, Agent Gibbs?"_

_It wasn't often Tony could surprise Gibbs but the way Gibbs drew back in self-defense told him that this time he'd succeeded. Tony knew his usual easy-going nature didn't prepare people for his anger and accompanied sarcasm. He straightened and looked Gibbs in the eye, anger still snapping. "Why are you here? I thought you took Kate home."_

"_I did."_

"_And you left her alone?!" Tony's mouth fell open in surprise. Stupid though he thought Kate was, she still didn't need to be alone right now._

_Gibbs shook his head. "Called Abs. She's staying with her tonight."_

_Tony expended the breath he didn't realize he was holding. "Why did you allow her to break protocol and take that woman back to her place? What if she got her memory back sooner, if she ever lost it at all? She might've killed Kate!"_

_Gibbs let out his own whoosh of breath. "At the time, we believed she was targeted because she knew too much, not that she was part of it."_

"_Yeah, because Kate said so. Look where that got us!"_

"_Can only with work with what we know."_

"What we knew wasn't much," Tony muttered as his mind came back to the present as he punched the bag a few more times. "Kind eyes." Another kick so hard that the chain holding it actually bent with the force. "Ask Gerald how fucking kind he was!" Tony yelled as he hit the bag several times in succession, followed by a swift kick, jostling the heavy bag. "Unbelievable!"

Tony then hit the bag hard countless more times until, finally, his aggression was spent. He wasn't surprised to look over at the door and see Gibbs standing there, just as he was the first time.

Gibbs started to walk toward him but Tony held up a hand. "Not now! Just…not now!"

Tony headed to the locker room to wash the sweat off. His shower was brief due to the fact that he hated being naked at work, but after he dried off and dressed, he sat on the bench, his elbows on his knees and doing his best to think rationally about all this.

The problem was that he didn't feel rational. Anger pumped through his veins but worse than that, he felt betrayed, not just for himself but for Gerald. Kate never should've hesitated to stab that bastard. It shouldn't have occurred to her to think twice. Haswari had held them prisoner. Gerald had badly needed medical attention. She had been the agent in the room. She should've done whatever it took to get Gerald and Ducky out of there alive.

But she hadn't.

He had kind eyes.

Tony wiped his hands down his face. How could he work with her now? How could he trust her? If she wouldn't do anything to help Gerald, and Ducky, of all people, how could he count on her to look out for Tim, Gibbs and himself?

How could she not…?

His thoughts were interrupted by the squeak of the door opening. Tony didn't even have to look over. He already knew who it was. He stared at his locker in front of him and just waited.

He heard Gibbs' soft tread make his way to where he was. Gibbs sat down a little ways down the bench, straddling it. Tony could feel his boss's eyes on him. He knew Gibbs was waiting him out but he didn't want to speak. He also couldn't endure the silence between them. It was too tense, too heavy, too…everything.

"I don't want to work with her anymore," Tony said, almost before he realized what he was going to say. Once the words were out, he couldn't call them back and honestly, he didn't want to call them back. He knew they were true the moment they left his mouth.

"Look, Tony, I know you're upset…"

"No," Tony interrupted. "This is so far beyond upset it's skydiving to hell."

Gibbs sighed.

"I can't trust her to watch our backs. She didn't do what she needed to do to help Gerald and Ducky out of that situation. She was the agent. They weren't. Gerald was in trouble. What if we're hurt in the field and she stands between our lives and death? Then what? Is she going to think a shooter has kind eyes and not shoot him? She doesn't even like me. She isn't going to lift a finger to save me. She wants to shoot you more often than not because you're cryptic. That frustrates her. She might save you out of a sense of obligation because you saved her career, but..." Tony trailed off, only to pick up the thread a moment later. "She likes Tim. He's just a probie so she'd probably save him. He's like her pet puppy that she'll pat on the head once in a while."

"Tony, don't you think you might be overreacting a little?"

"How so?" Tony asked in a monotone. He wondered the same thing, but he wasn't about to admit it. Overreacting or not, his anger was justified.

"You as good as said she wouldn't save either of us but I think she would."

"Yeah? Ask Gerald and Ducky how well she handled being held hostage. I'm sure Gerald will love to tell you how much fun it was to be in so much pain he couldn't think straight, while Kate, a federal agent, just stood there and did nothing."

"We weren't there. We don't know how it went down."

"She couldn't explain to me why she couldn't stab him. Now I find out she thought that bastard had kind eyes…after he shot an innocent man? I'm not overreacting. You're actually underreacting for once, and that makes me wonder how I can trust you!"

"Excuse me?" Gibbs' voice was suddenly teetering on dangerous.

"You heard me."

"Don't take this out on me."

"Why not? You're the one who insisted on hiring her. I actually read her file and I didn't find it that impressive. Profiling potential presidential assassins is a lot different than profiling your never-average criminals. She's made too many big mistakes that have nearly got us killed. She isn't cut out for this. The sooner you own up to that, the easier this will be."

"What d'you want me to do?"

Tony looked at Gibbs. "Do the right thing. Rein her in and make her do FLETC all over again. If she makes it out of there, then maybe a second chance will be in order."

"I can't do that! She's already been through FLETC!"

"Right, and again, her scores were not impressive. She was barely better than average at most of it. She's a better shot now, thanks to you; that is, if we can trust her to even pull the trigger."

"That's enough!" Gibbs growled.

"No. It's not enough!" Tony said jumping up. "I. Don't. Trust. Her. You got that, Gibbs?! I don't. I won't go in the field with her. I don't want to be near her. She's not good enough to watch Ducky's and Gerald's six and she sure as hell isn't good enough to watch our sixes either!"

Tony grabbed his bag. "My transfer papers will be on your desk by morning." He stalked away toward the locker room door.

"DiNozzo!" Gibbs barked, the echo loud in the cavernous locker room. When he was ignored, "Tony!"


	3. Chapter 3

As soon as Tony got home, he set his bag down and dropped the keys on the table beside the door. He immediately went to the liquor cabinet and pulled out a vintage-inspired whisky glass and a bottle of Canadian whisky. He poured a glass and capped the bottle, set it down, and then lifted the glass to his lips. He barely tasted the whisky on his lips before the familiarity of the act stopped him. He lowered the glass and glanced over at the bottle. It was about one-fourth full. He stared at the bottle for a moment and then at his glass, the light in the room was reflecting off the diamond-pattern and shining brightly in the lamp light.

It seemed to mock him. When had he drank all that? Hadn't he just bought the bottle a few weeks ago?

He set the glass down, and walked over to the end table where he kept his bills and receipts in the drawer. It only took him a few seconds to find the receipt. When he looked at the date, he gasped. He just bought that bottle six days ago. Not even a full week. Why did it feel like so much longer? Was he losing time?

He thought for a moment, and realized that every night for the last week he'd come home and immediately poured a large drink. There was way more than a shot in his glass. Tony swallowed hard and licked his lips, tasting the hint of whisky on them.

Tony closed his eyes. He knew exactly when this had started. It started the day his boiler blew and he found out quite cruelly that the people he thought were his team, and his friends, really didn't care about him at all. Each and every one of them had said no before he could even finish asking or even could ask if he could stay. No one had asked him why he needed a place to stay and no one had listened long enough to find out it was only for a night or two. He knew his insurance company would pay for an extended-stay hotel while his condo was out of commission.

Ducky, who he thought he had a good relationship with, made it clear that he didn't even want Tony to know where he lived.

Abby, who he'd thought was his friend, not only said no, she dismissed him outright as if he had dared suggest they have sex.

Kate had trusted Suzanne McNeil more than she trusted him and that 'nice lady' ended up nearly killing them all.

Even Gibbs, who was the only one who knew why he needed someplace to go, had said no. He relented later, but by then it was too little, too late. The damage was done. Tony ended up not going to bed until very late at a crappy motel. At that point, Tony just wanted to be alone to nurse his wounds in private.

Staying in that extended-stay motel was awful. It was the most impersonal place to stay, for all it tried to be 'homey' looking. Tony missed his condo. He never used to feel lonely, even when he was at his apartment alone because he thought he had a good team, good friends he could count on. Finding out he didn't was a sucker punch to the gut. He'd thought about leaving then, and now he wondered why he hadn't.

_Kate's right. I'm an idiot_, he thought.

He should've known after what happened in Baltimore, after he found out Danny was crooked, that he couldn't count on coworkers to be true friends. Never mind that for the first year and a half, before Kate joined the team, it had felt like he had a true friend in Gibbs. Now, Gibbs had turned on him, too. Maybe not the same way as Danny had, as far as he knew, but ever since Gibbs had recruited Kate, things had changed. He missed the camaraderie they used to have. Sure, they used to argue sometimes when they each thought the other had their heads up their asses but it wasn't like they argued daily.

Now, it all seemed a distant, broken memory.

Yep, time to go…the sooner, the better.

Tony stalked back over to the liquor cabinet, grabbed his half-full glass and the bottle of whisky and headed to the sink dumping them both down the drain. He then repeated it for every bottle in the cabinet, including the bourbon he'd kept on hand on the off-chance Gibbs might stop by. As he looked at the bottle, he realized it was still mostly full. It'd been a long time since Gibbs had been over. Tony huffed a breath before taking it to the sink and dumping that, too. He vowed to never touch a drop again. He would not end up like his parents…not if he could help it and he would start right now.


	4. Chapter 4

Two hours later, Tony was almost aching for a drink but he refused to go out and buy more, even though he yearned for a taste. When had he started getting dependent on alcohol anyway? He drank the club soda in front of him, and while it did nothing to lessen the craving, it helped him to keep perspective that not drinking was the right thing to do.

It was only a matter of time before Gibbs showed up. Tony had already ignored two of his calls. He honestly didn't care if there was a case or not. Gibbs hadn't left a message either time so he doubted there was a case.

He had his laptop open on the coffee table, intermittently thinking and working on a carefully-worded transfer request. There was no movie playing in the background. No music either. Music could either be a distraction or send him down Memory Lane, and he was already slogging through that mud as it was.

When had everything gone wrong? More importantly, how much of it was his fault? Ducky had always been slightly aloof. Tony had chalked that up to his Scottish upbringing and he had never taken it personally until the day the ME had snidely made it clear that he didn't want Tony to know where he lived. Tony couldn't remember ever saying or doing anything that would've caused Ducky to feel that way. Whenever Gibbs wasn't breathing down his neck, he'd always been happy to sit and listen to Ducky's stories and have lunch with him. He, Ducky and Kate ate lunch together regularly. He was still rather shocked at being brushed aside like that.

He also didn't really understand Kate's reaction. He knew she disapproved of his womanizing ways, but he thought that under their banter they were friends. She had to know he wouldn't have taken advantage of the situation to sleep with her, if that's what was worrying her. He believed that their bickering was playfulness, sometimes a little sharper than either of them intended, but the big picture was that they had each other's backs and could always count one each other.

Tim, too, for that matter. He had said no without waiting for a reason. Tony knew he could be annoying and teased the younger agent pretty much constantly, but Tim had always been such a good sport about it that Tony never took it that Tim had truly disliked him.

Abby dismissing him without asking why, was a shock, as well. He had thought the news of him being homeless would've evoked her sympathy, and she would've been happy to have him stay, maybe even making a movie night out of it. The fact that she'd never asked why he needed a place to stay hurt.

Gibbs was probably the only one who had a legitimate reason for not wanting him to stay. Six months ago, it hadn't gone well. Tony had attempted to cook dinner one night. He had turned on the hand mixer and it hadn't started up. He turned it off, readjusted the mixers and when he turned it back on, they started up too fast and batter went flying up and out of the bowl splattering on the table, floor and even a little on the refrigerator. He'd made a mess of the kitchen and was in the middle of cleaning it up when Gibbs came home. He'd been furious, apparently thinking that Tony meant that he was going to just sleep there, not set up housekeeping. Tony had explained that he was grateful to Gibbs for letting him stay so he decided to make something but he'd had an accident and was cleaning it up.

Gibbs hadn't been impressed and told him to finish cleaning the kitchen while he ordered Chinese. It didn't help that the next morning before work Tony had somehow ended up in Gibbs' way no matter where he was in the house. Gibbs got so irate with him that Tony left that morning as soon as he could. He'd only been back to Gibbs' house a few times since then, and always because of work.

Now that Tony thought about it, maybe that should've been a clue that Gibbs didn't really like him, either. He kept him around because he was a good investigator but otherwise barely tolerable. At work, they used to have a good camaraderie though. Tony was so confused. What had he done wrong? It wasn't like he'd messed up the kitchen or got in his way on purpose.

Tony huffed. He kept going in circles with all these thoughts and they were going nowhere. He felt that he should know why his coworkers found him so repellant, but he thought they were friends, so he was at a loss. None of it made sense.

He let his thoughts drift to the future instead. He didn't want to leave NCIS. That much, he knew. While he never wanted to join the military himself, he respected the reasons one would join. It wasn't that he wasn't patriotic…he was, but he just had a different calling. Being a cop was sort of like being in the military anyway. There was still a chain of command and you still served your country in a different way. Tony loved being a cop, and he was a good investigator. He couldn't imagine doing anything else. He was even glad he hadn't made pro, though he wished he hadn't suffered a broken leg.

Maybe he could transfer to a coastal area, somewhere warm. North Carolina, South Carolina, Florida, California, any of them would be great. Maybe he'd even have a little time for fun in the sun. Maybe. He could lay out on the beach admiring beautiful women in bikinis and flirt and who knows? Maybe one of them would be his Ms. Right. Despite what he told Kate about being allergic to the word commitment, he didn't really want to be alone. He just wasn't quite ready to grow up yet…but soon. He could feel that it would be soon.

_Maybe this is the beginning of that transition_, he thought. Gibbs had been pretty controlling of much of Tony's time since he joined the team, insisting they work way more hours than those on the other teams did. Gibbs worked them hard to solve cases and sometimes it was to the point of exhaustion. Tony hadn't really liked that aspect of working with Gibbs. You couldn't be at your best in the field if you were exhausted, but tiredness didn't seem to affect Gibbs so may he thought if it didn't affect him, it wouldn't affect anyone else? How many times had he seen Kate and Tim sleeping at their desks because they just couldn't keep up with him and Gibbs. Tony eventually got used to it but he keenly remembered the days with Gibbs, frequently falling asleep at his desk. It took time to train his body to endure those marathon investigations. Tony never really thought they were healthy or necessary though.

"Won't miss that," he said softly to his glass of club soda as he took another sip.


	5. Chapter 5

Tony jumped, startled, when a loud banging started outside his door.

"Right on cue," he muttered, getting up. He didn't rush to the door so when Gibbs started banging again, Tony called out, "Knock it off, I'm coming." He hated when Gibbs did that.

He looked out the peephole, and sure enough, Gibbs stood there, looking grim as ever. Tony opened the door. "Funny, I don't remember inviting you over."

"We need to talk."

"Right, as if you ever talk. Go home, Gibbs. It's late."

"Now, DiNozzo!"

"We're not at work. My name is Tony and I'm tired and about to go to bed. Whatever it is can wait until tomorrow."

"Like hell. Let me in."

"Hey! I don't barge into your house insisting that we talk right before you go to bed. This is MY place and you don't get to order me around here. Got that, Special Agent Gibbs?" Tony was borderline snotty in his delivery of the last few words. Almost instantly, he saw a change in Gibbs' countenance.

Gibbs huffed but he lowered his voice considerably. "Tony, can we talk? It's important."

"Are you actually going to speak or will you just leave it up to me like you always do?"

"Depends on what you say to my questions."

Tony stepped back and let him in. "Yeah, well if I don't think you're saying enough, you're out of here. I'm not in the mood for your shit."

"My shit?" Gibbs questioned.

"Yeah, the silent bastard who expects everything and gives nothing. I've had enough of that guy."

"What the hell kind of bug crawled up your ass?"

"And that's another thing. You're in my house! Show a little respect or get out!"

For a moment, Gibbs seemed a little nonplussed and Tony took grim satisfaction in that. He hadn't stood up to Gibbs and called him on his crap lately. Maybe he should've done it more often. Maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to roll over in his desire to please. Maybe that was the problem…he tried too hard, and only now that he was upset enough to consider leaving NCIS, could he see it. Being on his own turf helped in a way. He knew how he wanted to be treated here and not even Gibbs was allowed to treat him otherwise. This was his home, his sanctuary, his refuge from the world, the only place he felt truly welcome. He wouldn't let Gibbs ruin it.

"Tony," Gibbs said, breaking the heavy silence between them. "I don't want your transfer papers on my desk in the morning…or ever, really."

Tony just stood still, and tried not to react. Despite his efforts, he felt his eye twitch, and for a moment was angry that his eye could betray him like that because he didn't want to react.

Tony looked at him expectantly. Nothing Gibbs had said had warranted comment yet. Gibbs said little enough as it was. He wasn't going to give him an out or help him. As far as Tony was concerned, he was halfway out the door and halfway to a new life.

It was several long seconds before Gibbs spoke again, perhaps realizing that Tony wasn't going to. "I know you're angry about Kate. So am I. But we can't change the past. I think she sees how wrong she was and will do better. We need to give her a chance to prove that, both for her sake and ours."

"We all could've been killed by that bomb! Ducky and Gerald could've been killed! Are you sure you want to give her a chance? One of us could end up dead!"

"Or she could," Gibbs pointed out.

"That's a chance I would rather not take. Maybe I'm just squeamish, but I don't want to end up with her blood and guts all over me."

Gibbs winced at the visual Tony created. "I can't say it would never happen, but I do believe Kate will be more vigilant and not let something like that happen again, if it's within her power to prevent it…or stop it. "I know you don't believe this, but she'd sacrifice herself for any one of us."

Tony thought about Kate's personality and realized Gibbs might be right. He knew Kate knew she'd messed up royally. She would probably feel it was her duty to sacrifice herself for the greater good, if it might mean making up for her mistakes. It reminded him of how subdued she'd been after the McNeil case. It had taken a few weeks and several psychiatric visits for her to come to terms with it and be more like her usual self, though Tony still noted she seemed sadder than she had been before. Gibbs had benched her for a while even after the psych visits had ended. It'd only been in the last couple of weeks that she'd been more like herself.

Tony looked away, suddenly finding his feet rather fascinating. "Maybe," Tony said aloud, at least acknowledging that Gibbs had spoken.

Suddenly, Gibbs was in Tony's personal space and reached out and tapped Tony's chin, forcing Tony to look back up at him.

"I'm only going to say this once so listen. You run circles around Kate as an investigator. If the only way that you'll stay, is for me to transfer Kate off the team, I'll do it. I really hope it won't come to that. I like Kate. I still think she has potential. When we finally get that bastard locked away or dead, I will send Kate back to FLETC to take more profiling courses, and maybe a few others while she's at it. Then, we'll go from there. Kate has a lot to prove, and she knows it."

Gibbs reached into his pocket and pulled out a folded sheet of paper. "I know you don't have any reason to believe that I appreciate you so I brought evidence." Gibbs handed him the piece of paper. "I was saving it for a surprise but…" he shrugged. "Ball is in your court."

Gibbs started to turn and walk away, but Tony reached out and grabbed his arm, holding him fast as he unfolded the sheet of paper one-handed and started to read what was a printed email.

To: tmorrow

Date: Thu Oct 16, 2003 at 7:16 PM

From: ljgibbs

Subject: DiNozzo's promotion

DiNozzo is smart, sharp and adaptable. No one better for the job. Full pay allowable for SFA position from day 1. He's earned it.

The bottom of the page showed images of paperclips and attachment titles which indicated that there was additional paperwork showing he met the qualifications for the job. He stared at the words on the page for a moment and noted the date. Gibbs had sent this months ago.

Tony still had a grip on his sleeve and Gibbs stood there and waited. Tony looked up at him, shocked.

"Meant it."

"But…"

"What?" Gibbs asked when Tony didn't speak again right away.

"You acted like you couldn't stand me! You didn't even want me around when I told you I was homeless for a month."

Gibbs looked surprised for a moment and Tony realized that he had forgotten all about that. The fact that he had never spoken of it again probably had something to do with it.

Gibbs frowned as he thought for a moment and then he said, "You never showed up. Thought you'd worked it out."

"Did you really think I'd stay with you after you made it clear you didn't want me around?"

Gibbs winced. "Shit, Tony. That wasn't why I said no."

"Then why?"

Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment. "Every time I ended up divorced, it always happened after a case where I was obsessive. I know I'm obsessing over Haswari but he invaded our turf, held our people hostage and then shot one of them. He's like a rabid dog running loose. He needs to be put down. My ex-wives just snapped when I got like this, and I deserved it. I knew I was being too hard on you but I couldn't stop myself, and I didn't have you stay at my place because I wanted to spare you from my worst. You already put up with enough from me as it is. I thought if you saw what I was like at home, you would leave altogether, and I'd deserve it."

Tony frowned but his irrepressible humor rose to the occasion, and he couldn't help but smirk a little. "So you're saying you were afraid I'd divorce you if you let me stay one night?"

Gibbs opened his mouth to answer, and then confusion flitted across his countenance. "One night?"

Tony rolled his eyes. "I'd just needed a night, maybe two tops, while I worked out the arrangements with my insurance company for an extended-stay place. I never intended to impose on anyone for a month. I like my privacy, too."

Gibbs blinked, looked shocked, then ashamed. "I shouldn't have assumed you wanted to stay for a month."

"Well you did. At least you listened long enough to hear why I needed someplace to stay."

Gibbs frowned. "No one else did?"

"No one else ever let me finish. Even you didn't. Everyone else said no even before I finished asking. They didn't even know what I was going to ask."

Gibbs closed his eyes for a moment. "No wonder you think I can't tolerate you."

"But divorce, Gibbs? Really? Hate to break it to you, but you're not my type. Wrong gender. Wrong body type and way too hairy." Tony grimaced.

Gibbs snorted at this and smiled. "Yeah, not blonde either."

Tony snorted then. "What can I say? Blondes are hot! They're my kryptonite, like redheads are for you."

Gibbs chuckled and nodded. "Yeah." Then, Gibbs face fell. "I should've told you I wasn't mad about the mess. I know you didn't do it on purpose. You couldn't have known the hand mixer had a short in it. I never thought to tell you because I didn't know you cooked. Next day, you seemed to have gotten over it so I figured let sleeping dogs lie."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that seems your philosophy on everything."

Gibbs huffed but his shoulders dropped a little. "Yeah, I know. I should've said something. I see that now."

"So you don't just barely tolerate me?"

Tony could see the beginnings of a smirk starting at Gibbs' lips, but then he seemed to think better of it and the smirk died before it ever really formed. "I wouldn't make you my SFA if I barely tolerated you."

Tony's eyes narrowed. "Couldn't prove it by me."

"Not trying to snow you. I've even told Tom that sometimes I don't know how I do the job without you."

"That's only because I do your paperwork."

Gibbs sighed. "No, that's just a bonus. You're a good partner. Couldn't ask for better. Will try to remember to show that once in a while. Maybe you can remind me to not take you for granted. Just don't expect it every day because that won't happen."

"A 'Good job, Tony' now and then would be a nice change."

Gibbs nodded. "I can do that."

"Okay."

"So you won't transfer?"

Tony chewed his lower lip. He still wasn't sure he trusted Kate but he also was willing to admit that her mistakes did not go unrealized. Maybe if he was super-vigilant and didn't let her ego go unchecked, they might be okay.

"A little backup when I rein her in might be needed. If I think she's being stupid, I'm going to say something. I'd appreciate it if you don't blow me off when I'm concerned about something, like when I think her judgment is lousy."

Gibbs nodded. "I won't. I'll listen to what she says, but I won't blindly trust her because she thinks she's a good profiler. I think she understands that she has a lot to learn. We'll give her a chance to learn after we get Haswari."

Tony nodded. "Sounds good."

Gibbs looked relieved. "If you ever think about leaving again, say something to me, okay? Give me a chance to fix whatever is going wrong?"

"I wasn't sure you cared enough to want to fix things."

"That's why I need you to speak up. You know I suck at this."

"Not always." Tony remembered he had the printed email in his hand and handed it back. Gibbs shook his head. "Keep it. Let it remind you when you start doubting your place on my team. I've regretted a lot of things in my life, but I've never regretted recruiting you to my team." Gibbs put emphasis on the word 'never.'

Tony felt heat rush to his cheeks. "Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs smiled then. "Look, Tony…" Gibbs paused a moment and Tony could tell he was gathering his words. "After my divorces, I was never sorry they left. But I would be sorry as hell to see you go." Gibbs paused for a moment. "Someday, probably sooner than I would like, you'll be offered promotion and move on. I'll hate it but I'll be happy for you, too. You have real potential. You could go all the way to the top. Don't let anyone, not even me, make you feel like you're less than that. You got me?"

Tony swallowed hard. No one had ever said they thought that, certainly not his own father, no one else either. He could tell Gibbs meant it, too. He could always tell when Gibbs was lying to a suspect in order to get information. His eyes wavered just a little. This time, there was no wavering.

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs reached out and squeezed Tony's shoulder. "We good?"

Tony nodded.

Gibbs nodded back and turned and headed for the door. When he reached it, he turned around with a grin on his face. "One more thing…"

"Yeah, Boss?"

"You'd make an ugly redhead."

Tony was so surprised he burst out laughing. "You'd be an uglier blonde."

Gibbs grinned and snorted. "Blondes are overrated."

"Not as much as redheads."

Gibbs snorted. "Ain't that the truth?" he muttered. He then pointed at Tony but the smirk was still firmly fixed on his face. "Don't be late!"

"I won't. Night, Boss."

Gibbs nodded once and left. Tony locked the door behind him and then sank down on the couch. Something in his heart felt a little lighter. Gibbs used to joke around with him more and now it felt good that it was happening again. He looked at the email once more and smiled. He knew how terse Gibbs' emails were, when he sent them at all. The fact that he used four full sentences was effusive for him. Tony couldn't help but feel pleased.

It was a balm he needed. He felt like he had his friend back. He should've thought about the fact that Gibbs just wasn't good at communicating. On the other hand, Gibbs was right. He should've said something. They were just going to have to help each other meet in the middle better. He used to know that, but had apparently forgotten how important it was.

It didn't resolve everything thing else with his coworkers, but he wasn't about to bring any of it up again. Knowing Gibbs valued him, even if the others didn't, was enough.

For now.


End file.
